Where Is Nicole?

The Beer and Flies are set to play the first gig of the Australian leg of their World Tour in the Sydney Opera House.  Before the big gig the band are getting some much needed rest and relaxation in the hotel on the Gold Coast, or at least, that’s what they thought…



As the band sat around in the lounge, loitering over a slow breakfast, the waiters flustered around the tables in the attempt to hurry them out so they could clear up the room and get off their shift. 

‘Time to go soon,’ said the Captain, ‘Come on boys, let’s hit the bar.’

‘Anyone seen Nicole?’ asked Bad Brad. 

‘Not today,’ said Ziv.

‘It’s called beauty sleep,’ said Brandon, ‘you should try it sometime,’ he said winking at Brad. 

‘Yea…’ said Ziv, ‘that probably explains it…’.

‘Someone should check in on her later,’ said the Captain firmly, ‘let her rest for the morning, but then I want one of you to get up there…. Got it?’

‘Yes Sir,’ said Jay, saluting, ‘we’ll see to it.’




The morning elapsed without event except for the moment when Bad Brad dive bombed the pool with one of the long suffering peacocks in his arms… Jay lost the bet, because it turns out that peacocks are actually quite good swimmers, and so it went. 

‘Captain!’ said the Doctor, running into the pool area, ‘this is serious!’

‘More hieroglyphics?’ said David. 

‘No, this is serious!’ whispered the Doctor, ‘we’re not alone!’

‘Calm down, Doctor,’ said the Captain, getting up from his chair, ‘just tell us what’s happening, what do you mean, we’re not alone?’

‘The truth is out there!’ said Bad Brad. 

‘We should do a song about that!” suggested Scott, ‘the truth is out there, I like it Doctor, it’s got a certain ring to it, almost like I’ve heard it before…’

‘No, listen, we’ve been followed here by another crew, and it appears that they might have kidnapped Nicole!  I saw their ship in the bay, and as I went to investigate it further I noticed their crew carrying a woman onto a small dinghy, and speeding off towards the ship.’ said the Doctor. 

‘What the hell!’ the Captain winced, flinging his drink into the pool, ‘what the hell, Brad, how did this security breach happen!’…

‘I don’t know, Sir,’ said Brad.

‘Are you sure it was Nicole, Doctor?’ said the Captain.

‘I can’t say for sure, I’m afraid, it could have been but I was too far away to see who it was?’ replied the Doctor.

‘Well, we can’t take the risk,’ mused the Captain, ‘Jay, get up to her room and see if she’s there.’




Jay returned with the bad news that Nicole was nowhere to be seen.

 ‘Okay, let’s go,’ said the Captain, ‘all hands on deck, NOW!’

‘Who do you think they are?’ asked Michael. 

‘I think it can only be one ship,’ said the Captain, ‘what did their vessel look like, Doctor?’

‘It’s the Skull and Bones Boys, Captain, and it looks like they’ve got a new ship, they’re obviously trying to sabotage the tour,’ said the Doctor.

‘Does their new ship look fast?’ asked Brad, ready to challenge any other ship to a flat out race.

‘Hard to say, but I doubt those amateurs could rustle up much horsepower.’ said the Doctor.

‘Let’s hope you’re right,’ said the Captain, ‘let’s get going, we got a potential damsel in distress situation on our hands.’


The crew got up and ran out through the hotel lobby,

‘Can I help you, Sir?’ asked the concierge hopefully as the band flew past in a flash and out the front door.   




‘What’s their head start?’ asked the Captain. 

‘20 minutes, Sir, at best.’ said Ziv, manning the radar.  

‘Get that gun rigged up!’ said the Captain, ‘get it locked and loaded!’ nodding at Brandon, who was already perched behind the 50 Calibre machine gun. 

‘Yes Sir!’ shouted Bad Brad, ‘we’ll make Vietnam look like a birthday party!’

‘Masters of the ship,’ said the Captain, ‘get the small arms out of the armoury, we might need them.’




I’d never seen the pirate band on full war footing and it terrified me, they operated like a perfect Swiss watch of death.  The Beer and Flies ship was the fastest in the ocean and as I sat on deck, trying to stay out of the way, the flurry of dangerous action was impressive.

The engines roared, ripping up the ocean, and the vessel began it’s flight across the waves, hurtling through the water. 

‘Like an eagle!’ shouted the Captain over the roaring engine.

‘Like an eagle!’ replied Brandon, pumping 50 calibre rounds into the empty sky.




Ziv, watching the radar on the ship’s bridge beside the Captain, said, ‘We’re getting close, Captain, and we’re closing in.’

The Captain got onto the internal ship communication system, ‘Brad, can you get the amps ready, we’re going to blast them with some heavy tunes as we approach.’

‘Affirmative,’ replied Brad, deep in the engine room of the ship. 


The Beer and Flies vessel was not just fast, and it wasn’t just a fast war ship; it was also rigged up with a huge sound system, with enormous speakers that pumped sound from the sides of the vessel’s hull.  

Sometimes, when the band were far out in the ocean, they would play recordings of whale songs into the water, and within no time, whales would be circling the vessel, singing back to the crew.  On one occasion, a pod of Humpback Whales put on a fantastical show as they leapt out of the water around the ship.  

However, today, the speakers were going to play a different role, they were going to let the Skull and Bones Boys know that the Beer and Flies were gaining on them and that there was no way out.  




The Skull and Bones Boys had turned their ship Eastwards to try to outrun the Beer and Flies by flanking around them and escaping back to shore, but the Captain just said, ‘Full steam ahead, Brad, rev those engines.’

‘Is it safe to approach?’ said Ziv, closely watching the radar, ‘we don’t know what type of weaponry they have on board.’

‘No Captain can do very wrong if he places his ship alongside that of the enemy.’ said the Captain calmly. 

‘Who said that?’ I asked, stepping onto the bridge, vaguely recognising the quote. 

‘Horatio Nelson,’ said the Captain, ‘after the Battle of Trafalgar.’

The Beer and Flies vessel stormed towards the Skull and Bones Boys, ‘Hold your fire for now Brandon, we don’t want to sink their ship with Nicole on board.’

‘Affirmative,’ said Brandon.  

‘Slow the engine and crank up those tunes, we’ll drift in and see what they do,’ said the Captain through the intercom. 

‘Affirmative,’ said Brad in the engine room.



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