The Beer And Flies Depart Sydney… Fast.

The sun had long ago set and the Mayor was asleep, still tied up in ropes, his face on the titanium steel alloy deck of the ship.  I looked out across the dark harbor, the lights twinkling on the water, reflections stretching over the waves, yachts moving slowly up and down in the swell. 


I had completed an initial report for the world’s newspapers, compiling the details of the Australian leg of the tour that wouldn’t get Interpol on the band’s case while still portraying the eccentric pirates in a true, or at least fair, light.  


Amazingly, the Beer and Flies vessel had incredible Wifi connectivity due to the military grade satellite technology housed in the bridge; how they got hold of that 22nd Century technology was never explained, but there it was!  This made filing my reports easy, no matter where we were.


I once saw the Doctor and Ziv, the Radarman, fixing something under the Metatron radar system, and to my untrained eye the confusion of wires, flashing lights and fuses looked like something out of a futuristic Star Trek series. 




Standing on the deck, looking out across the harbor I saw the speed boat weaving through the silent yachts, its motor ripping through the quiet night sending seagulls floating on the waves hurtling up into the air under heavy, sleepy, wing beats. 


As the Captain and the Doctor climbed up the ladder onto deck looking concerned, my first thought was that the band had narrowly escaped an arrest by Australia’s secret service and only these two had got away.  


‘Everything alright on deck?’ asked the Captain, suavely stepping on to the ship through the darkness, eyeing everything, checking it was okay. 

‘Yes, it’s all in order.’  I said, trailing off. 

‘Good, good,’ said the Captain, ‘we thought you might sink the ship!’ 

The Doctor climbed up on deck behind the Captain, ‘How’s that fool Mayor?’

‘Down there,’ I said, pointing at the Mayor, asleep on the deck.  

The Captain and the Doctor chuckled, ‘Excellent,’ said the Doctor, smiling.

‘Where are the others,’ I asked, clucking around them like a mother hen. 

‘Jeez,’ said the Captain, ‘take it easy, they’re just showing Sydney how to party!’ 

‘You guys want something to eat, a beer?’ I asked, ushering the two of them towards the barbecue.  

We sat and ate, drinking until dawn.  The first leg of the Australian tour had been a huge success.  The reviews of the show would be out in the morning but I had a feeling they would be top notch.  




As the sun rose lazily over the sky we were still sat up on deck.  The other band members hadn’t returned yet, but no one felt particularly worried about this.  

‘Right, we need to get rid of this clown at some point,’ said the Captain, nodding towards the Mayor.


‘Shouldn’t we wait for the others first?’ asked the Doctor. 

‘Yes,’ replied the Captain, ‘but we’re going to meet them further down the coast, can you get on the satellite phone and track them down, tell them to get to the meeting point now, we’re leaving soon.’

‘Absolutely,’ said the Doctor, getting up out of his seat, swaying slightly as he walked up the stairs of the bridge, keeping a tight hold on the rails.


‘How’s the article going?’ asked the Captain.  

‘Very well, thanks, should be in the main papers tomorrow morning.’

‘Good,’ said the Captain, pleased with how the tour was going, ‘that harbor looks beautiful in the mornings, don’t you think?’

‘Yes, it does,’ I replied, thinking it was odd that the Captain was being so sentimental.  

‘Your first time here?’ asked the Captain, swigging a bottle of beer. 

‘Yes, you?’ I said. 

‘Oh no, I’ve been here many times,’ said the Captain, winking at me, ‘great place.’




The Doctor came back down the stairs.

‘They’re on their way, Sir, apparently got waylaid in the city centre, not exactly clear about the details though!’

‘Okay,’ said the Captain, ‘no problems, as long as they meet us down the coast.  In the meantime though, we need to get rid of this Mayor, are the trackers ready?’

‘Got them right here!’ laughed the Doctor, ‘you sure this is a good idea?’ 

‘Never been surer in my life,’ said the Captain, picking up the Mayor who was just waking up, red eyed and furious once more.  

The Doctor raised a large bright orange buoy from the side of the ship, ‘Here’s one I stole earlier,’ he explained, as he hauled it on board.  Next the Mayor was tied to the buoy and a tracking device strapped to his forehead.  

‘That should fix it,’ said the Captain, ‘just one more thing though.’

The Captain went under the deck and came back with a drone, to which he attached another tracking device, ‘Decoy,’ he went on, ‘you always need a decoy in a hostage return situation.’

He attached the tracking device and launched the drone, which sped off across the city on autopilot to follow a circular route in the clouds.  


‘Okay, we’re ready,’ said the Captain, ‘I’ll go and fire up those engines, once we’re moving, dump him overboard.’

‘Aye aye, Captain!’ said the Doctor, saluting. 


‘Wait, wait!’ shouted the Mayor, ‘you can’t do this!’

‘I think we already have,’ said the Doctor, the ship’s engines revving beneath.  The Beer and Flies ship started moving through the water, quickly gathering speed.

‘Give me a hand with this, will you?’ said the Doctor.

So we lumbered the buoy and the Mayor to the back deck of the ship, hoisted him up onto the rail and threw him overboard; then watched as he bobbed away in the slipstream of the boat’s exhaust.  

‘Good job,’ said the Doctor, ‘now I’ll just phone the Sydney authorities and give them the details of the tracking device on the drone, to buy us some time.  Then, once we’re down the coast I’ll tell them how to find the tracking device attached to the Mayor’s head, perfect right!’ he said, rubbing his hands with glee. 


Soon, Sydney and the coast were glimmering on the shrinking horizon, as the Beer and Flies vessel headed out to sea before cutting back into the shore to pick up the rest of the band.  The first leg of the tour had been an astounding success, and somehow, through it all, the band of pirates and their ship had remained in one piece, ready to do it all again at the next port of call.

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