Arrival On The Australian Mainland And An Interview With Scott Foster Harris.

As the Captain and his crew walked into the bar my heart leapt.  Quite involuntarily I jumped out of my seat, spilling my Martini all over the table, ‘You made it!  I never thought I’d see you again!’

‘Calm down,’ said the Captain, strolling casually past my table as if he’d been there all night.   

Ziv looked disapprovingly at the spilled Martini on the table, shook his head and picked up the olive, then tossed it into his mouth, ‘Never waste a good olive.’ he said, winking at me.

As the band crowded around the bar to get themselves drinks I tried to establish where they had been; ‘Your rooms are all booked’ I said, flustering like a mother hen, ‘everything’s going to be okay, I saw the maid cleaning the carpets this morning.’

 

‘Listen,’ said Scott, ‘I’ve just been attacked by a peacock in the garden, and before that we fought off the Chinese military, then survived a desert island, found a Cargo Cult and then managed to fix our ship’s engine, so right now just give us a moment, I need a drink.’

‘Sure.’ I remember myself saying.

‘You should have seen that peacock!’ said David, ‘It went nuts.’

‘I reckon it’s tail would have made a good head dress,’ said Jay, not missing a beat.  

As the band stood around the bar laughing, joking about the joys of dry land, I looked out across the bay, ‘Is that your ship there?’

‘Well of course it is,’ said Bad Brad, ‘you think we walked here?’

The pirate ship was sitting on the edge of the surf, drawing quite a crowd already.  

‘It still needs a few repairs,’ explained Quartermaster David, ‘but she’ll soon be up and running again, full steam ahead!’

The barmaid nodded, ‘One full steam ahead for you Sir?’

‘What?’ said David.

‘One full steam ahead Sir, it’s one of our more popular cocktails.’

‘No, thanks, I’ll just have a whisky on ice, thanks.’

‘Okay, no problems, whatever you want Sir.’ said the barmaid.

 

‘Someone needs to tell me what’s been going on.’ I said, starting to tire of the confusion, ‘we’re meant to be doing interviews, my editors have been going crazy! They want to know what you’ve been doing, aside from nearly starting a world war.’

 

‘There’ll be plenty of time for that,’ said the Captain, ‘but for now let’s have a barbecue and watch the waves roll in.’

***

As we sat watching the steaks cooking on the fire I took the opportunity to start the interviews.  

‘Listen, guys, my editors need some interviews for the press, they’ve been crawling up my neck since your ship went AWOL, it’ll help with the tour as well.’ I said.

The band laughed, ‘Had a tough time?’ said Ziv.

‘Well, you know, I had to hold off the editors cause if I put it out that you and your ship might have been responsible for a potentially explosive international incident between China and the West the tour might have been cancelled, oh, and I’d be out of a job too!’ I explained.

‘Okay,’ said the Captain, feet up relaxing, ‘Who wants to go first?’

After a moment’s silence, Scott, the ship’s Master and a singer in the band, said, ‘I’ll go first, just let me get a refreshment from the bar first.’

***

Interview With Scott Foster Harris, conducted on the Gold Coast, on the eve of the first leg of the Beer and Flies Australian Tour.

Interviewer (Rik) : So what motivated you to join the Beer and Flies crew?  

Scott Foster Harris : I was mainly focused on the Beer part and decided it was a good move. 

 

Rik : Can you describe your creative musical process? 

Scott : I think I’d probably have a better chance at singing about my description process. 

 

Rik : If you could collaborate with any musician (other than the Beer and Flies crew), past or present, who would they be and why?  

Scott : Beethoven.  Because he’s Beethoven.

 

Rik : What musicians inspired you in your early days?  

Scott : The Muppet Babies, really, in Muppet Rock.

 

Rik : What’s your favorite venue for performing?  

Scott : I usually prefer to perform in the appliance section of an abandoned JCPenney’s.

 

Rik : What are the unusual, or unexpected skills that you need to have to be a world class musician? 

Scott : One must be professional about sarcasm… Naturally.

 

Rik : Do you have any pre-gig rituals?

Scott : Besides holding hands with as many of the crew as possible and talking about our favorite verses of ‘I’m A Little Teapot?’.  Not really. 

 

Rik : What’s the best thing about living on a pirate ship?

Scott : Booty.  Obviously. 

 

Rik : How has living on the Seven Seas changed your outlook on life, the universe and everything? 

Scott : Well, for one thing, I’ve learned there’s more than one of me because, you know, the Seven Seas and all.

 

Rik : Do you think you’ll ever return to dry land on a full time basis?  

Scott : I’ve gone dry before when climbing onto the wagon and decided it just wasn’t for me.

 

Rik : If you had the chance, would you take a one way trip to Mars to become the first interplanetary band in human history?

Scott : Hell, I’d take a one way trip to Mars just to have a giant sandbox to play in.

***